Heybabeimwearingurpanties
He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
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