saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
Randomize
