Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Randomize
