It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
