K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
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