im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize
