you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
ttyl tear gas
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
Randomize
