I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
Randomize
