Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
