apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Randomize
