Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
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