It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
Randomize
