Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
Randomize
