So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
Randomize
