I molested 6 butterflies tonight
If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
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