btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
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