I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Randomize
