Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
