Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
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