Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
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