If that was your dad, he is hot
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
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