sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
Randomize
