when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
Randomize
