Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
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