make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
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