i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
Randomize
