For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
Randomize
