If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
Randomize
