dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
Oh god it's open bar.
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
Randomize
