Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
you made out with another girl for some wings
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
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