I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
Randomize
