I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
Cover your peen. We're going out.
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
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