i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
Randomize
