im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
Randomize