Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
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