I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
