i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
what is it with giant penises always finding me
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
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