I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Randomize
