K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
