at some point to night u and I have a 'meeting' too...(1-737): I hope so
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
Randomize
