I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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