also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
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