i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
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