i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
