the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
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