I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
I just forgot I was standing up.
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
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