Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
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