the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
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