ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
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