Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
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