I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize
