All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
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