he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
Randomize
