my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize
