they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
Randomize
