a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
