the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
Randomize
