Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
Randomize
