i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
The streets are paved with hand jobs
Randomize
