Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Randomize
