We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
Found the puke drawer
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
Randomize
