how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
office poll is still running 100% that Spencer Pratt is more disturbing than David Carradine's death
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
Randomize
