Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
Randomize
