Just mADE A PArabola og urine
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
Randomize
