let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
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