My underwear smells like fireworks.
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
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