Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
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