Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
Randomize
