you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
Randomize