I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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