What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
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