today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
Boobs speak an international language.
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
How many fucks given?
0.12846
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
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