Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
Randomize
