Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
When are your genitals available?
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
Randomize